Elegy Read online

  ‘Yeah, I’m listening. Quit worrying, I’ll be there. It’s not the first time I’ve done it,’ Gabe replied. But it would be the first time with Jim away, and Gabe knew his father was fretting.

  Jim hated leaving the farm – even a drive into town to pick up supplies or go to the yards tested his patience. The longer haul into Bendigo every few months with Barb, to visit the accountant or the bank, was always a moody affair. So tomorrow would be a real trial for him. One of Barb’s cousin’s kids or some such relation was getting married and, with the drive taking more than four hours, Barb had managed to persuade Jim to stay overnight. Now the date of departure loomed, he was looking for any excuse to back out of the arrangements. But Gabe wasn’t going to give him one. Barb deserved a bit of fun.

  Gabe didn’t need to attend the sale of their livestock; technically, they’d already transferred ownership to the auction yard, and any profits would be sent straight to the bank. But Jim had his eye on some new stock – new blood for the herd. Though he’d never let Gabe make a purchase without him, he wanted him there to see what the animals fetched. Jim would then decide whether or not they’d buy. Gabe didn’t mind that his father kept such a tight rein on things; it was his place after all, and Gabe would get his chance one day.

  They didn’t stop in town, and Gabe settled himself for a quiet ride home. Jim had other ideas.

  ‘What the hell’s been goin’ on with them other two?’ he said.

  Gabe froze. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘First they’re fighting like a couple of cats, now they’re not. That doesn’t seem strange to you?’ There was a long pause, and Gabe feigned a careless shrug. ‘They’ve got Barb worried.’

  Why hadn’t Barb said anything? Gabe wondered. Maybe it was Jim who was worried and using Barb as an excuse. His father might keep himself distanced but there wasn’t much that escaped his notice. Again, Gabe feared for Michael and Cait.

  ‘Keep an eye on your sister while we’re gone,’ Jim said. ‘Anything happens, I wanna know about it.’

  ‘What do you think’s going to happen?’ he dared to ask.

  Jim’s reply was slow to come. ‘Don’t know, but I was down near the river yesterday and someone’s been messin’ with the fence. So you keep them two close by. You watch ’em.’

  Gabe stared, incredulous. ‘Shit. You think it was Michael.’

  Jim hunched over the wheel. ‘Not saying that. But it’s the sort of prank he’d pull. Something’s going on with him – has been ever since he was sick – and when I get back I’m going to find out what.’

  When they returned, Jenny came up to the shed to meet him. Jim nodded at her, then stomped off to the house. Gabe was more demonstrative, but when she stopped his kiss going further and said she’d like to go back to the motel, he eyed her with surprise.

  ‘Any reason?’ he asked. The first time had been because they’d had nowhere else to go, but now they had the farm. The motel was on the other side of town, and a risk.

  ‘I want to be somewhere private,’ she said. ‘Without anyone else. Can we?’

  ‘When?’

  ‘Now,’ she replied, then added, ‘Or as soon as you can.’ Because she was learning.

  Gabe felt swift excitement and nudged her back to the truck. ‘You know, the motel’s a forty-minute drive,’ he told her, taking off his gloves and hooking his fingers into the belt loops of her jeans, jerking her hips to his. He expected her to argue, but she looped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

  ‘You’re incorrigible,’ she said.

  Gabe wasn’t sure what that meant but thought it sounded good.

  At the motel, she asked him to get the same room.

  ‘Is this some kind of anniversary thing?’ he asked. ‘’Cause I don’t think I can afford it every week.’ He wasn’t kidding. He’d all but cleared out his account and the money was stuffed into an envelope under his mattress, ready for Michael and Cait when they needed it. Even with the promise of tomorrow’s sale, it’d be a while before he’d get a chance to rebuild his savings.

  Jenny smiled. ‘I’ll make it worth your while.’

  ‘Yeah, you will.’

  In the room, tucked away from the world, they took it slow, making it last, and afterwards, for the first time, they fell asleep together, her head on his chest, one arm and leg thrown over him, and Gabe was content to be claimed. She woke him with her lips and her hands and he groaned in protest.

  ‘I need rest. You’re killing me.’

  ‘So long as you die happy,’ she said, not stopping, and he was quick to give in.

  Only once did she mention Michael and Cait. And even that didn’t go as Gabe imagined it might.

  ‘Have you noticed that Michael’s heat-flash thing isn’t as bad?’ she asked.

  Lifting his mouth from her skin, Gabe sighed and rolled over. ‘Well, that’s a buzzkill.’

  Jenny laughed. ‘Sorry, but have you?’

  ‘Yes,’ Gabe said, impatient to get back to what he’d been doing. ‘I think he’s finally getting it under control. Just in time too, ’cause school starts back Monday.’

  She looked at him. ‘Something’s bothering him. He seems preoccupied.’

  ‘Nothing new there. He’s been like that for months.’

  ‘Caitlin came to see me this morning,’ Jenny said, and he sat up, alert. ‘Yeah, I know, it shocked me too. I’d forgotten how strange she is.’

  ‘Goes with the territory,’ he said. ‘What’d she say?’

  ‘Nothing much.’ Jenny looked down at her hands and he watched her twist them together. She chewed her lip briefly. ‘Something about me taking care of you, that it was important.’

  Gabe relaxed and grinned. ‘In that case, better do as she says. Cait knows best.’

  Jenny rolled her eyes and smacked him lightly. ‘It was … I don’t know, Gabe, it was weird. The whole thing.’

  What could he say? Conversations with Cait, especially these days, were never easy to deal with – not even for those who knew her well.

  ‘I don’t need you to tell me about them any more,’ Jenny said, her voice small and sombre.

  Gabe’s eyes narrowed. ‘Really?’

  ‘Really.’

  He was surprised, because Jen wasn’t one to let go of a topic, particularly one like that. But there were so many better things to do than start questioning her change of heart, and he smiled. ‘So what are you going to do about it, then?’

  ‘About what?’ she asked.

  ‘About taking care of me, like Cait said.’ He laughed when the pillow missed and hit the wall.

  Later, he woke her gently. ‘Babe, it’s time to go.’

  ‘No,’ she mumbled. ‘Just a bit longer, please. I don’t want to leave yet.’

  ‘We have to. Jim’s not happy I skived off today, and I’ve got a real early start in the morning. Besides, you need your rest. Tomorrow night we have our first official date.’

  She opened one eye. ‘Where are you taking me?’

  ‘I asked you to the fair, remember? Crap music, greasy food, lame rides – the stuff of dreams.’ He smiled when she groaned.

  ‘Wow, you sure know the way to a girl’s heart.’

  ‘So they tell me,’ Gabe said. ‘Come on, wake up.’

  ‘Can’t make me.’ She pulled a pillow over her head.

  ‘Sure I can,’ he whispered, bending to kiss the nape of her neck, where her hair parted, following the path of her spine, trailing his mouth lower and lower until she rolled over, heavy-lidded and smiling, inviting more. ‘Too easy,’ he told her.

  After, as they dressed, she called his name and he turned, blinking at the bright flash.

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘I don’t have any photos of you,’ she said, smiling at the screen.

  He took the phone and looked at the picture before handing it back. ‘I can give you a better one than that.’

  ‘This’ll do. First of many.’

  He kissed her hard, backi
ng her towards the bed, until her legs hit it and she fell, Gabe following. The phone dropped to the floor.

  ‘I thought we had to go,’ she murmured.

  ‘I’ll be quick.’

  When they finally left, he tossed the room key onto the table and pulled the door closed, before following Jen to the ute. Only at the last minute did he see the envelope tucked under the wipers. Frowning, he yanked it free, tore it open to pull out the paper and unfold it; he was suddenly cold, sick with dread.

  It was a photo, and not the one he’d first thought, the one Pete had doctored. This had been taken their first night together, after the party, and it could’ve been snapped by anyone. But Gabe already knew it hadn’t been just anyone. He stared at the detail, seeing everything: him holding open the door as Jenny stepped into the motel room. In his right hand, clear as day, was the box of condoms, and beneath the picture were scrawled the words: DOES HER MOTHER KNOW?

  ‘Gabe?’ Jenny craned her head to see past his shoulder. ‘What is it?’

  He crumpled the page into a ball and forced a smile. ‘Nothing. Just the receipt for the room. Must’ve left it at reception.’

  Tell me the story of how the sun loved the moon so much he died every night to let her breathe.

  ANONYMOUS

  XVII

  Gabe dropped Jen home and headed back to the farm. He never minded the drive – there or back, no matter the hour – but he was tired, and this time his thoughts weren’t full of Jen. They were occupied by something much worse and more sinister.

  She’d been right. Casey was crazed – or bloody close to it – and out of control. Normally, such a photo wouldn’t have bothered Gabe; he’d have laughed it off as a mindless prank. He was eighteen – using the motel wasn’t illegal, and what they were doing wasn’t wrong – but Jen was still struggling at home, and Gabe knew Casey’s sick joke might be just the thing to tip the balance. He’d been out of hospital less than a week, Gabe counting on him to lie low for a while and give them all some peace, at least until school started. Now he realised his mistake. The picture was a step too far and Gabe had to put a stop to it. But he was so tired.

  He kept his speed steady, wary of roos and other drivers, as he thought about what to do. When his phone rang beside him on the seat, he fumbled around for it, keeping his eyes on the road.

  ‘Hey, babe,’ he answered, teasing. ‘Missing me already?’

  A couple of seconds’ silence, then a long slow hiss. ‘You wish.’

  ‘Shit!’ Gabe swerved, and slammed the brake to the floor; tyres squealed and smoked, the ute swaying before the engine, lost in fourth gear, shuddered and cut out. ‘Fuck!’ He veered onto the gravel.

  ‘Tsk, tsk, don’t you know the road rules by now? No taking calls while you’re driving.’

  Gabe’s scalp crawled and he rubbed it to ease the prickling. Out there on the empty road, in the empty dark, Casey’s voice sounded creepy as hell. But this was as good a time as any to sort things out. ‘What do you want, Casey?’

  ‘Didn’t that slut give you my message? She should’ve. I told her to.’

  Gabe longed to reach through the phone and punch Casey. Instead, he forced a laugh but it didn’t sound right. ‘We’ve got better things to do than talk about you, mate.’

  ‘I know. Did you like my present?’

  ‘Not so much.’

  Casey chuckled. ‘Never mind, I’ve got plenty more.’

  ‘You need to stop this. Right now. Before someone really gets hurt.’

  ‘Not much of a screamer, is she?’ Casey went on. ‘Maybe you’re not doin’ it right, Webster.’ And this time every part of Gabe crawled. ‘But that’s okay, ’cause when I’m done with you, I’ll show her. Oh yeah, I’ll make her scream.’

  ‘Shut up!’ Gabe shouted, pounding the steering wheel.

  No laugh this time. Just the sound of breathing, heavy like wind. ‘Be careful, arsehole, ’cause every second you waste bangin’ that slut is time you ain’t lookin’ out for that brother of yours – or your sister.’

  Gabe stared out at the road with its banks of shadows, black on black. He recalled Jim’s warning, remembering what he’d said about the cut fence. Don’t bite, Gabe. Don’t take the bait. Keep it calm, keep it easy. ‘Back off, Casey, or I’ll take it to the cops.’

  ‘You do that. Let’s see what happens then.’ When Gabe didn’t reply, he said, ‘Yeah, thought not. Reckon you don’t need the attention, am I right?’

  ‘You’re a sick puppy. Real fucking sick. Shame they didn’t examine that head of yours when you were in the hospital.’ Gabe pressed the phone to his ear, unsure if Casey was still there. He tried again. ‘Why don’t we sort this out? Just the two of us.’

  There was another hiss. ‘Oh, don’t worry. We’ll be gettin’ together real soon, you and me. Real, real soon.’

  Gabe thought of Michael, of what he could do, and he wondered if Casey had thought about it too. Because he should have.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Casey sneered. ‘You’re looking a bit worried there.’

  ‘Yeah? What would you know?’

  More breathing. ‘Look behind you.’

  Gabe twisted in his seat, panicking, but away from the headlights there was only darkness, and gradually his heart slowed its crazy thudding. Then a sudden beam of light, the rev of an engine; down the road, on the other side, tucked between trees, was a car. Swearing, fumbling, scrambling, Gabe was out of the ute and sprinting towards it, but Casey was one step ahead. He gunned the engine, sliding onto the road in a wash of gravel before hightailing it back to town.

  The morning was a flurry of shouts, curses and Jim’s last-minute orders. Heading out early to the saleyards, Gabe managed to escape the worst of it but he wasn’t quite quick enough to dodge Barb, who caught him at the back door.

  ‘A word before you go,’ she said, and he turned to see her exhausted face; he didn’t envy her the long drive with his father. When Jim bellowed for her from the other end of the house, Barb rolled her eyes.

  Gabe grinned. ‘Better make it quick.’

  She held up the bundle she was holding and shook it out; a black T-shirt dangled from her hand. ‘I found this in Cait’s room. Under the bed.’ Her eyes searched his. That she’d come to him, rather than confront Michael, said it all; Jim hadn’t been lying when he’d said Barb was worried.

  Gabe gave a stiff shrug. ‘Must’ve got mixed up in the laundry.’

  Barb’s smile was slow to form and not happy. ‘Yes, of course. That must be it.’

  ‘Anything else?’ Gabe felt bad for her. He’d been eager enough before to clear out, now he was desperate. But her next words pulled him up.

  ‘I don’t like having to lie to your father, Gabe.’

  ‘I know.’ Neither did he, but he knew they both would if it meant keeping the peace, and he was thankful the pretence would soon be over. Once Cait and Michael were gone, it wouldn’t matter what anyone knew or suspected. He met Barb’s gaze. ‘You should give that back to Michael. He’s probably been looking for it.’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure he has.’ She balled up the T-shirt again, and Gabe felt a fierce rush of love for the only mother he’d known.

  ‘I really have to go,’ he said, and kissed her cheek. ‘Everything will be okay, Barb. I promise.’ When Jim called for her again, he dredged up a smile. ‘Have fun. See you tomorrow.’

  ‘Yes. Tomorrow.’ She patted his hand and hurried down the hall.

  When he returned from the yards a few hours later, Michael was already at work in the crush, drenching the last of the cows. Gabe wondered why Michael even bothered since he probably could have done it with a simple wave of his hand, but perhaps it was to make himself feel more grounded. More human. Or maybe Gabe’s warnings had finally got through and he was just being cautious.

  Cait was in the living room, her own chores done. She sat cross-legged by the fire, reading a book, and looked half her age. Whatever the hell that was, thought Gabe. ‘Got a minute?’ he ask
ed, taking the armchair opposite.

  ‘Sure,’ she said, and smiled. She’d always smiled for him, and he knew he’d never tire of it.

  ‘Are you and Michael okay?’ he asked her.

  ‘Of course. Why?’

  ‘Because things seem to have cooled off, if you know what I mean. So I was wondering if that’s normal – like he’s getting back on track – or if maybe you’d had another fight?’

  She smiled again. This time it was a little sad. ‘Michael has a lot to think about. He’s starting to worry and I’m worried for him. So, to answer your question, yes, it’s normal.’

  ‘Worried about …?’ Had Casey got to Michael too? No, Gabe realised. If he had, Casey wouldn’t have been in any shape to bother him last night. Michael would’ve made sure of that.

  Cait stared at the fire, her pale face flushed by its warmth. ‘He’s struggling to understand that some things are outside his control.’

  ‘He’s not the only one.’ Gabe told her about the little gift Casey had left at the motel.

  ‘Are you sure it was him?’

  ‘Positive,’ Gabe said, and went on to tell her about the phone call. ‘Whatever Michael did to him at that party, it’s tipped him over the edge. Big-time. And if Casey’s crazy enough to do something like that, then you and Michael have to be careful.’ He paused, and added, ‘There’s something else too: Barb knows.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ she asked again, still gazing at the fire.

  ‘I’m sure. She’s not happy, and I don’t know how long you have before she spills. Jim’s already suspicious. He knows something’s up, Cait, and he will find out. So this time please listen. You need to get out of here.’

  ‘Yes.’

  Gabe felt the weight lift. ‘When?’

  She finally looked up, and this time there was no smile at all. ‘Soon.’

  ‘No. Now. Or tomorrow.’ He pulled the envelope from his jacket pocket and handed it to her. ‘There’s a couple of grand in there. I’ll take you to the station in the morning and you get on the first train. Call me when you’re settled.’ When she didn’t reply, he said, ‘You have to, Cait. Even if it’s just for a while. Get Michael away, and let me deal with Casey. Please.’